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Judge for Little Miss Leared

Livonia, MI
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Portrait of Little Miss Leared

Little Miss Leared is a rock band founded by Charlotte Laird (guitarist, vocalist) and JC Keystone (drummer). After performing a gig at a local bar, Charlotte found a handsome young man named Riley Etterson passed out in his own vomit. Taken in by his stunning looks and realizing his musical talent and star potential, Charlotte soon added Riley to the band as the bass player.

With the lineup now complete, Little Miss Leared went into the recording studio to record their first single when tragedy suddenly struck. Riley, in need of some hard drugs, had sold Charlotte’s guitar and amp. Though disappointed by his actions, Charlotte still kept Riley in the band. She still believed in him, her music, and the band that would bring that music to the world. The wild sex she enjoyed with Riley was also a contributing factor in choosing to keep him. Without funds to replace the guitar and amp, Little Miss Leared held auditions to find a temporary guitar player to fill Charlotte’s role in the studio.

Answering the call to greatness was guitar player, GL Soriano. GL couldn’t read notes, didn’t know how to read guitar tablature, and had the playing skills of a four year old. But GL had one thing that few guitar players possessed, the willingness to work for free.

Time in the studio was troubled as the band struggled to teach GL their newest song. Exasperated by GL’s inability to learn the song, and irritated by his frequent thirst and consequent need to pee, Charlotte and Riley left to get something to eat. And presumably to also have a quickie somewhere.

In their absence, JC gave these inspiring words to GL: “**** her music. Just turn that **** up and let your demons out!” JC and GL then proceeded to just jam out until their allotted studio time expired. The result of that jamming became their first single, “Boss Fight”. GL was soon fired, although he claims that he quit just a mere micro-second before getting sacked.  

Back on the road, Little Miss Leared still needed a guitar player. They soon hired convicted arsonist and murderer turned guitar player, Bob Granely, who was out on parole. On the way to a gig, tragedy struck once again as Riley lost control of the vehicle they were in and crashed into a tree. He was ejected from the vehicle along with JC and Charlotte. Bob was trapped in the car as it caught fire. The rest of the band then had to make a painful decision: save Bob or save his really nice guitar and amp. Bob died in the fire.

Charlotte once again had a guitar and amp, but unfortunately injured her arm in the crash. Reluctantly, they hired back the constantly thirsty, and frequently urinating, GL as a temporary guitar player. Unwilling to work for free anymore since he now had studio experience on his resume, GL took Bob’s guitar and amp as payment.

With GL unwilling, or more likely unable, to learn any of the band’s other songs, Little Miss Leared currently plays shows consisting of only one song, their hit single, “Boss Fight”. Little Miss Leared is currently playing to captivated audiences at backyards, moonshine stills, insane asylums and shady little carnivals all over the USA.

The Little Miss Leared single, “Boss Fight”, is available on Zune and iTunes.